People have theories on how people arrived, but people have never agreed and never will.
By Kevin Somers
Published August 01, 2011
If you detach yourself and observe people with an alien's aloofness, you'd conclude everyone is crazy and people are (tragically) hilarious.
People aren't certain how people came to be. Some people say people slithered from the sea, some people think people crawled from a cave, and other people claim people were divinely dropped by one, or several Gods, to whom people sacrifice people.
People have theories on how people arrived, but people have never agreed and never will. People are people. Besides, people recognize a difference in opinion is a good excuse to wage war on people. From rocks and clubs to nukes and H-bombs, people have always loved killing people.
What's wrong with people?
Do you think George Bush ever thinks about all the people who have died in "Iran. I mean Iraq,"(sic)?
Some people are sick.
Where do people go when they die?
Evidently, people in America respond favourably to zany-dumb, attractive, middle-aged white women. Presidential Candidate Michele Bachmann makes Sarah Palin seem more sensible, sensitive, serene, sincere, and sane than John Boy Walton's parents.
Michele and her husband have a clinic where they encourage gay people to pray themselves straight.
Good night, John Boy. Good night, America. Good luck, people.
People Magazine is a magazine about people.
The people in The People's Republic of China make a lot of poor quality stuff. I live in Steel City, but everything for sale here is made by people in China and it's glorified junk.
People have strange ideas about business.
The people of Hamilton used to make good products, not just consume garbage.
People's roles are changing in Western culture, too. Women are the new men, but they're bad at it, too. Maybe worse, despite power-suits.
People are doomed.
Like a fish and a bike, women don't need men, but their children do. Statistics verify what common sense tells, children need a father, but people deny the truth when it's inconvenient or convenient.
Whenever I think my opinion of people can't get any lower, along comes someone like Andres Breivik, whose father is a retired diplomat living in France. Dad hasn't talked to his demented, deranged, devilish son in years. Like a lot of people, the diplomat was running around trying to save the world when he should have stayed home and paid attention to the people that needed him most.
People fail to acknowledge that it's not just charity that begins at home, everything does: love, compassion, decency, tolerance... all flow from home, people.
Raising good people is hard work, but there's no glory in anonymous, honest, sustained effort, so people blow-off parenting for greater rewards.
People are lost.
I spent over an hour walking the Bruce Trail on a beautiful day, recently. I encountered four people; a man, a woman, and two dogs. (Dogs are people, too.)
At the same time, there were 5.8 million people plodding pointlessly through Lime Ridge Mall, peeved because they're pasty, pale, plump, and poor, pining to be more presentable and have more pride in personal appearance.
People are peculiar.
People like Ps.
People like peas.
People need bees and they're dying.
I have no idea how people get rich, but it can't be easy. Some people at the top are smart and have worked hard and deserve every penny. Some people, like Rupert Murdoch and Conrad Black, get too big for their britches and take sleazy shortcuts.
I'd like to see Rupie and Connie swapping scandalous, sordid stories, while sharing soap, sadness, and sundries in a small cell with other somatotonic, somniferous, scions of the smug, self-satisfied, soulless, scurrilous, scribbling class.
People like me like alliteration.
Some people are crazy smart. "Big Genius" Kevin, for example, can fix your car and your computer. He can rewire your house and, probably, your head, if needed. I admire people like that.
I wonder if many people will go to The Festival of Friends this year. Ancaster people scare me.
People think bigger is better. From business, to bureaucracy, to brood, bigger means an increased likelihood of dysfunction and corruption, but it has everything to do with people's egos and nothing to do with anything else.
Some people are serious. Some people are clowns. Some people are afraid of clowns. Some people are afraid of heights.
Some people freak out when they start losing their hair.
People treat water like dirt and dirt like poison. In great swaths, people pave the ground and deny it its God-given function of providing life.
People around here pour tonnes of concrete on the Niagara Fruit Belt, while importing fruit-like substances from South America or Asia and lots of affluent, influential people call the scheme "development." I think it's diabolical, but people don't care what I think.
People will vote for Tim Hudak and not Andrea.
People get what they deserve.
People say we can't run a simple train through Hamilton. This city supported Canada, not long ago.
People listen to the Bill Kelly show. I stop and watch it on cable, once in a while when flicking around the channels, but can never stay long. I find it spiritual and cerebral poison. I don't know how people can take it. I'd rather remove my own appendix, which some people have done.
People talk too much. People sit around talking all day. Talk, talk, talk... A spike won't put itself in the ground, sometimes people have to shut up and pound.
People like rhyming couplets.
People talk about a "driveway-to-driveway" experience like it's wonderful.
I told you people are crazy.
People will waste their time reading this and get mad at me.
People cheat like it's nothing. Diving is a popular tactic people use in sports and life. How can people dive and cry and cheat and lie any time? How can people behave like that? Is there no honour in people? What happened to "olde-school rules," people?
Olde school rules, people!
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