Entertainment and Sports

On and Under

The normally affable Kevin Somers gets a few things off his chest.

By Kevin Somers
Published April 21, 2006

Some people get on my nerves, sometimes. Others get under my skin, occasionally. Some do both, a lot. Too often, they're on TV, in the paper, or on the radio. It's less fun for a media junkie when the presenter spoils the mood or someone being presented spoils the meal.

Either way, my miserable life would be less so if a few people went away: kicking, screaming, happily, sadly, dead, alive, or otherwise.

George Bush and the 100 million plus who voted for him, or supported him, get on my nerves. I wish they would declare victory, as they inevitably will, and leave the spotlight.

It seems Americans are, finally, waking up to the horror they've unleashed. Approval numbers for Bush are at an all time low. According to a PEW research poll in Time Magazine, when given one adjective to describe their democratically-elected leader, the top answer - recently - was "incompetent", followed by "good", "idiot", and "liar". Only a year ago it was "honest".

The same magazine recently printed a ridiculous piece of drivel from gay conservative Andrew Sullivan, called What I Got Wrong about the War. It carried the cheap, cheesy, confessional subtitle, "As Conservatives pour out their regrets, I have a few of my own."

Bush, a.k.a. the Texecutioner, didn't come out of nowhere, Andrew (et al.); all you had to do was read and think. Your "epiphany" is 16 years too late, dumbass.

During the Boston Red Sox's curse-ending run, Curt Schilling kept talking about finishing the World Series so he could get out and help George "The Man" Bush win the election. I almost wanted Boston to lose.

Hey, Curt, if you're that gung ho, why don't you follow Pat Tillman and join the real fighting? Other priorities?

Barry Bonds is another baseball player who gets under my skin. Bonds can't accept that cheating is losing and nobody likes to play with cheaters.

The mayor of Hamilton has the same problem. Unfortunately, his gleeful, self-satisfied smirk is omniscient in this town. Like Barry Bonds, the mayor isn't a victim. In both cases, an unfair advantage has been exposed and the unseemly petulance of a spoiled child emerges.

If self-righteousness were a crime, columnist Lydia Lovric would be telling everyone else on death-row what to do. She endeavors, it seems, to put the "judge" and the "mental" in judgmental.

Conservative lapdog Tucker Carlson is off putting. So is the cheeringleading Liberal Party monkey, Something LeDrew, who shows up everywhere wearing the same neckwear as Tucker.

Anyone attached to the federal Liberal regime bugs me, for that matter. The Chr├ętien/Martin Liberals had to have been one of the most thieving, conniving governments in the history of our country.

Their sense of entitlement, best summed up by David Dingwald, was staggering. Tony Valeri bought the house of a neighbour, for example, then flipped it for more than a $200,000 profit three months later (to a Liberal-friendly, rich dude, no less).

Obviously, Valeri felt he was more entitled to the sudden, rapid escalation in real-estate value on his new property than the blind, old man who had lived there for the 50 years previous. Valeri's total compensation from the time he was elected until the day he drops dead will be staggering.

Wouldn't a true "man of the people" graciously let the vulnerable old-timer next-door know about the impending windfall? I'm only an armchair psychiatrist, of course, but I'd say Tony's sense of entitlement borders on something that might require attention from a professional.

It was tragic, predictable, and pathetic that Paul Martin and his bloated entourage of flunkies, reporters, and other groupies, showed up in the middle of the scandal to support Tony and praise him as a great Liberal.

In the recent election, the Liberal party was tossed out of Hamilton, but did well in Toronto, where Sheila Copps is now employed by the Toronto Sun telling the real buttheads what to think. It's rich beyond words.

I like watching hockey, and think the NHL is better without Sean Avery. It could improve further if Gary Bettman, Bill Daly, Mike Keenan, Ted Saskin, Tyson Nash, Peter Forsberg, the Ottawa Senators, their names-sakes and fans, retired.

My wife doesn't like watching hockey and often wants to talk during Coach's Corner. That bugs me. People who complain all the time get on my nerves, too, so I'll stop.

Kevin Somers is a Hamilton writer.

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