A New Year's poem by Kevin Somers.
By Kevin Somers
Published January 03, 2017
Another year has roared and died
And my soft spots are more amplified
A new one is, of course, right here
So, it's time for Resolutions
And their promise of solutions
While bringing in the year
I resolve my resolutions won't be, again, insincere
I resolve things will be different this year
I resolve to drop a pound or ten
I've resolved this before and will, likely, again
I resolve to eat better and exercise
I resolve to order salad instead of fries...
I take that back
I resolve to tell fewer outrageous lies
I resolve to cut back on drinking...
I take that back, too
What was I thinking?
I would resolve to be a better husband, but I don't think I can
She's a lucky lady and, as Homer said, "I'm a wonderful man"
I'd resolved to be a better dad, but now I needn't bother
Instead I bought the t-shirt: World's Greatest Father
I resolve to spend more time of the couch, with flicker in my hand
Flicking through the channels
The world at my command
With God as my witness
I resolve to put Goldman Sachs out of business
I resolve to make American great
Again, I resolve to titillate
I resolve I'll stabilize housing prices
I resolve to fix the hydro crisis
I resolve I'll slow Hamilton's traffic:
Highways and death traps, where carnage is graphic
I resolve to win the lottery
Financial freedom sounds good to me
I resolve I will no longer dream
Instead, I resolve to plot, hatch, fantasise, and scheme
I resolve to be short and sweet
I resolve to be fast and neat
I resolve to be discrete
There's a long list of resolutions and I can't disavow
There's much, much more to resolve, somehow
Yet, I've resolved to End this soon
It's another problem I'll solve
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